The Xbox One Has A Penis Problem (sex and spying edition. Also NSA/Porn, FBI DITU)

Excellent advice… “When you enter someone’s home, ask if there is an Xbox present and, if so, insist on seeing it unplugged.”[1]

The Xbox One uses an IR camera so it can spy on you even with the lights out. One property of IR cameras is that they can see through certain types of clothing.[3] It appears that the Xbox’s camera is, well, especially good at this trick.

While the “X-ray vision” phenomena is usually quite limited, mostly to thin synthetic black fabrics (black plastic is often IR transparent)…

…the Xbox spotted one reporter’s penis, through his JEANS, and put it up on the big screen for a roomful of journalists and engineers to see!

I’m reminded of the photo of Kim Dotcom embracing his 5 new Xboxes. A better way of retaliating against the people snooping his net connection has yet to be found. (Somewhere there’s a Five Eyes analyst screaming, “The goggles! They do nothing!”)

As for the rest of you, if you had any doubt that Microsoft’s new console was Orwell incarnate, well, not even dear ‘ol George managed to come up with this one.

Ironically, swearing while using an Xbox will get you banned. [2]

[1] http://www.stallman.org/archives/2013-sep-dec.html#18_November_2013_%28Body_scanner_in_new_Xbox%29

[2] http://www.polygon.com/2013/11/25/5143542/report-xbox-one-skype-upload-studio-users-banned-for-swearing

[3] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BzHCDknFbDU

The NSA knows what porn you watch, is ready to use it against you. Note none of these people was actually accused of terrorism. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/26/nsa-porn-muslims_n_4346128.html

The whole business smells of J. Edgar Hoover, and the surveillance abuses that brough about the Church Commission and drove Hemingway to suicide. https://www.aclu.org/blog/national-security/echoing-dirty-past-nsa-sought-reveal-porn-habits-discredit-targets

Meet the FBI’s in-house NSA. If you’re in the US, they’re watching you. Article has some technical details. http://www.foreignpolicy.com/articles/2013/11/21/the_obscure_fbi_team_that_does_the_nsa_dirty_work

Obligatory: https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BaGH5t-CUAAjeTr.jpg

http://www.fastcodesign.com/3020934/the-xbox-one-has-a-wee-dong-problem

“when Microsoft’s new Xbox One comes out next month, every unit will be packaged with an improved Kinect, capable of 1080p Skype video and improved 3-D fidelity that, using an IR camera, can even make out your body in the dark. With extreme specificity.

In fact, while I’d intended to post the above tech demo of the improved Kinect from Microsoft Research, I noticed, alongside the intricacies of a hoodie and jeans–and there’s no graceful way to put this–a dong. The Kinect hardware/software is now so effective at deciphering the bumps and folds of clothing that it can pinpoint a man’s package down to its pant leg, carving out the distinctive folds in our trousers that society, backed by a bit of shadowy denim, has become remarkable at ignoring.

As soon as I made the observation, it brought me back to a moment I must have repressed during the Xbox One announcement at Microsoft’s campus in Redmond. Testing the new Kinect in a cozy room, I, amongst a small handful of journalists and engineers who I didn’t know, caught a glance at my own man lump snake python on the screen. I felt the fear of every ninth-grade boy called up to the chalkboard.”

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